It wasn't too long ago that Lori Laughlin (of Hallmark Channel fame, no less) and Felicity Huffman were headliners in an investigation that revealed they had paid up to $500,000 to get their children accepted into the colleges of their choice. One headline read "Money and Privilege Make Parents Stupid and Dishonest." The headline could have been "How Dumb People Mess Up Their Kids."
The term "helicopter parenting" has been replaced by "snowplow parenting." The first, implies that the parents hover over every move little Johnny makes. They avoid having Johnny experience difficulties or even much competition and basically blame others if Johnny fails. Snowplow parents, on the other hand, have an eye on Johnny's future. One mother admitted that the science teacher in her son's school hides when she comes to pick him up because of a fit she threw over a low grade he received. Snowplow parents, like Laughlin and Huffman want, above all else, to remove every obstacle in their children's paths, and they will gladly cheat, lie and bribe to do it.
But the story of the young man from India who drove a $73,000 BMW into a river is the best. It was a birthday present from his parents, who could not afford the $103,000 car their son wanted. He was angry. (AWWW.) I'm pretty sure this kid has never heard the word "no" in his life. Yet, as much as we'd like to think this is the reserve of the wealthy, we have to remember kids whose grandmother's social security is the only household income, who ask for and receive gym shoes that cost $200. People of every income level are taking part in this "spare the rod and spoil the child" method of parenting, and while the stories are entertaining they are also sad.
As educator Dr. Anthony Witham said: "Children become spoiled when we substitute presents for presence." These kids are raised by parents who are taking the easy way out, showering them with material goods, but abstaining from the more difficult work of moral training which provides boundaries and structure in which to forge a successful life. They grow up with a false understanding of who they really are in this world and find that absent their weak-kneed, flaccid parents no one is giving them everything they want. They are often unable to deal with setbacks, and for many, depression and drugs follow.
While mental or health issues may be a problem for some, in general, a child will rise to the loving expectations of his or her parents. They grow wise when they understand that they have gifts and talents, but are probably not good at everything. They grow strong when they experience disappointment and loss, and become a person who deserves respect when they are required to respect others and live according to the rules of God and man.
Proverbs 22:6 says "Raise up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he shall not depart from it." It takes real work and involvement to raise up a child, love sometimes means "I'm sorry, you can't have that" or the shorter version, "No."
Blessings,
Nancy
